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Let’s face it. There are way, too, many people who stay in dead end relationships because they are afraid to move on. Remaining in a relationship that does not have a future, is like slowly drinking poison everyday. This kind of relationship will drain you of your happiness and make your life miserable. If you think it has no affect on the outside world, you are wrong.
When you decide to stay in a relationship that does not bring you joy or help you to become a better person, you make a decision to allow a negative situation to harden your heart. You become bitter and pessimistic about everyone and everything around you. Your interaction with others will become draining and emotionally unstable. You will find yourself criticizing the relationships of others and when you come across someone who appears to be happy in their relationship, you will immediately find fault.
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 I can’t even imagine the hurt, pain and disappointment one experiences when they find out their boyfriend/husband has been unfaithful AND has fathered a child outside of the marriage. It is one thing to cheat on your partner but it is something else when a child is born as a result of infidelity. As I sit here and write, my hands shake and my head spins when I think of this level of betrayal!
There is nothing worst then to find out that the man you love and committed to spend the rest of your life with has had a child with another woman while being married to you. That level of betrayal makes it difficult to forgive and to trust. Every day you awake, your mind almost immediately fixates on the other child. Granted, over the years (should you decide to stay in your marriage), waking up and thinking about the fact that your husband fathered a child outside of your marriage will eventually lessen BUT the hurt and pain would probably remain.  Often times, people of color (specifically African Americans, Caribbeans, Haitians, Africans and Hispanics) become a little skeptical when seeking mental health counseling with licensed professionals who are white. The biggest concern is not knowing if the white therapist can relate to their struggles, challenges or life experiences. When they finally take a step to seek professional counseling, they quickly find out that the selection of therapist of color is at a minimum.
Most of the time, they are left to choose from a big pool of white, older therapist who may or may not share their experience. Finding the right therapist is important. It is important to feel you can effectively and honestly communicate with your therapist. Just because a therapist shares your race or culture, it doesn’t mean that he or she is the right fit for you. I would love to see more therapist of color in private practice and, until that happens, people have to work with what’s available. I can’t help but to notice the amount of women in relationships who are feeling stuck, depressed, and constricted. I remember a time when I felt the same way. My first marriage was the most depressing time of my life.
I recall thinking to myself, “Here I am with two beautiful children and a husband who doesn’t even know me.” I felt my husband did not take the time to put away his own selfish needs and desires and get to know the real me. When we first started dating, it was fun. We were young, in college and carefree. We didn’t have “real” bills to pay and we didn’t see the need to sit down and truly assess the relationship we had. It was more about going out, drinking, partying, watching movies, going to Indian casino resorts and making fun of people we felt were weird or different from us. We were simple college kids “in love.” |
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